Here is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by an 86 year old woman.

The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times.

Dear Sir:

I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month.

By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it.

I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years.

You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank.

My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways.

I noticed that whereas I personally answer your telephone calls and letters, — when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become.

From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person.

My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate.

Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact which I require your chosen employee to complete.

I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative.

Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.

In due course, at MY convenience, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me.

I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Let me level the playing field even further.

When you call me, press buttons as follows:

IMMEDIATELY AFTER DIALING,

PRESS THE STAR (*) BUTTON FOR ENGLISH!

#1. To make an appointment to see me

#2. To query a missing payment.

#3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.

#4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.

#5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.

#6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home .

#7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required. Password will be communicated to you at a later date to that Authorized Contact mentioned earlier.

#8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.

#9. To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.

# 10. This is a second reminder to press* for English.

While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.

Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.

May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous New Year?

Your Humble Client

Remember: This was written by an 86-year-old woman.

Ya just gotta love us “seniors”!

Thanks to Victoria from London Canada for passing this item along to me.

Thanks to Victoria from London, Ontario Canada for passing along this “Senior Moment” story from her 80-year-old uncle. “It’s a good one,” she said, “Enjoy.”

A very self-important college freshman at a recent football game decided to explain to a senior citizen sitting next to him why it was impossible for the older generation to understand his generation.

“You grew up in a different world, actually an almost primitive one,” the student said, loud enough for many of those nearby to hear. “We, the young people of today, grew up with television, jet planes, space travel, men walking on the moon, our spaceships have visited Mars. We have nuclear energy, electric and hydrogen cars, computers with light-speed processing and…,” pausing to take another drink of beer.

The senior took advantage of the break in the student’s litany and said, “You’re right, son. We didn’t have those things when we were young … so we invented them. Now, you arrogant little f..t, what are you doing for the next generation?”

People within hearing distance burst into loud applause.

“I love senior citizens,” Victoria said.

Earlier this year, my wife and I had the pleasure of seeing and hearing The Legendary Ray Price in concert in London, Ontario Canada. In his opening remarks, Price told his audience that he’s been asked how old he is. “I’m 81,” he said, which brought loud applause from his audience, made up mainly of silver-haired seniors.

Price said he and his Cherokee Cowboys backup band had been playing concerts across Canada, with the London concert marking their 30th day on the road. His son, Cliff Price, opened the show with several guitar pieces and pleasant, slow-paced singing.

Ray Price was neatly dressed in an elegantly tailored charcoal gray suit with decorative embroidery on the front of his jacket, along with a white shirt and bright reddish western-style tie. He also wore his trademark deep reddish leather cowboy boots.

Despite a slight stoop in his shoulders, reflective of his age, the native of rural east Texas belted out many of his hit songs during his one-hour on stage. His voice was strong and melodious as he sang some of his Greatest Hits, including Crazy Arms, City Lights, I’ll Be There If You Ever Want Me, Half A Man, Heartaches by the Number, Release Me, My Shoes keep Walking Back to You, Soft Rain, Burning Memories, Touch My Heart, Crazy, and You’re the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me.

Women came to the front of the stage to snap photos of Price and his band. Two older women gave him flowers and cards, with one gushing, “I love you.” Price replied, “I love you, too, dear.”

During the past year Price was honored for his nearly six decades as a top American music performer during the opening of For the Good Times: The Ray Price Story, a Country Music Hall of Fame® and Museum exhibit in Nashville, Tennessee. The exhibit, paying tribute to Price’s career and enormous impact and influence, opened in the Museum’s East Gallery last August 4 and remained through June 2007.

He launched his fifty-seven-year career with his first Dallas recording session, in January 1950, for Bullet Records. His currently active schedule involves performing upwards of 100 concerts a year.

Growing up during the Depression Era, he divided his time between doing back-breaking work on his father’s farm in Perryville, Texas, and attending grade school in Dallas, where his mother lived after his parents went their separate ways. His mother designed clothes for department store Neiman-Marcus. She later designed his first stage costumes, which helped her son stand out as a fashion-forward country star. Price wore colorfully embroidered, rhinestone Nudie suits in the 1950s and elegantly tailored dress suits from the 1960s on.

His mentor Hank Williams helped him get his first Grand Ole Opry performance and later became his roommate. “I loved Hank,” Price commented during his London, Ontario appearance this month. “He was a brother to me. I still miss him. I never do a show without doing a Hank Williams song, and I tell people I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for him.”

Price’s recording of “For the Good Times”, written by Kris Kristopherson, brought him back to #1 on the charts and won him his first Grammy and CMA (Country Music Association) awards.

Today, he continues to perform and to oversee work on his sprawling ranch and farming operation in Mt. Pleasant, Texas. Ray Price is an active senior citizen who doesn’t let advancing age interfere with his desire to keep doing what he loves best – entertaining audiences of all ages.

Pat Moauro is a former veteran journalist, and currently a writer and editor specializing in seniors’ issues. For more articles check his website at maxxseniorslife.com

When you watch television, have you noticed that most of the commercials seem to be aimed at young families and kids? Young and attractive couples and slim, 18- to 21-year-old models are used to sell everything from food products to cars to lipstick.

Rarely do you see anyone with gray hair in their 60s, 70s or older, with the possible exception of an aging Ed McMahon, the late Johnny Carson’s sidekick, still extolling the virtues of a specially built shower for seniors.

Are most companies and businesses in the U.S. and Canada ignoring older consumers?

Are advertising and marketing messages being directed mainly at those in the 25- to 34-year-old age range?

Klaus Rohrich, President of Taylor/Rohrich Associates Inc., a firm specializing in the conception and marketing of adult-lifestyle communities, thinks there is a bias in favor of younger consumers. He adds that marketers may sometimes even look at ages 35 to 49, but as a rule the 25- to 34-year-old market is the most favored.

Mr. Rohrich notes that in Canada these two market segments combined currently account for about 45 per cent of the population. However, their combined spending power falls far below that of the 50-plus age group. The 50-plus age group currently accounts for close to 32 per cent of the total population; comprises 42 per cent of the adult population; accounts for about 55 per cent of all discretionary spending; and, owns upwards of 80 per cent of all the personal wealth held in our financial institutions. Yet, they are rarely targeted in advertising.

Mr. Rohrich notes that the number of 20- to 49-year-olds will remain relatively static during the next decade. “What will change is the number of individuals described as “mature” (over the age of 50) will increase by one-third over the same time period. By the year 2026, the 50-plus demographic will eclipse the 20 to 49 by a substantial number (30 to 42 per cent), and that’s when the problem of older purchasers will make itself most evident.”

Why are the 50-plus consumers apparently being largely ignored?

“First of all, there isn’t a great deal of sex appeal in mature people (Candice Bergen notwithstanding), and one of the driving motivators in most marketing efforts aimed at young buyers is sex,” Mr. Rohrich notes. “Older purchasers buy their products on very specific, well-reasoned considerations, whereas younger buyers just want what they want when they want it.”

As well most marketing executives in today’s corporations are in the same age range as the people to whom they’re appealing, i.e. 25 to 49. “Thus, there is a huge lack of objectivity among these executives.”

However, Mr. Rohrich predicts that the time will come when advertisers discover older buyers and begin to seriously look at that market, particularly as aging, self-indulgent “Baby Boomers” cross that 50-plus threshold. “Until then they will continue to pursue that 25- to 34-year-old buyer whose discretionary spending power remains at just under $10,000 per year.”

Adapted from an article in Active Adult Magazine: activeadultmag.com

Pat Moauro is a former veteran journalist, and currently a writer and editor specializing in seniors’ issues. For more articles check his website at maxxseniorslife.com

To realize the value of a sister: Ask someone who doesn’t have one.

To realize the value of ten years: Ask a newly divorced couple.

To realize the value of four years: Ask a graduate.

To realize the value of one year: Ask a student who has failed a final exam.

To realize the value of nine months: Ask a mother who gave birth to a stillborn.

To realize the value of one month: Ask a mother who has given birth to a premature baby.

To realize the value of one week: Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.

To realize the value of one minute: Ask a person who has missed the train,

bus or plane.

To realize the value of one second: Ask a person who has survived an accident.

To realize the value of a friend or family member: Lose one.

Time waits for no one.

Treasure every moment you have.

You will treasure it even more when you can share it with someone special.

(Found on the Internet)